Thursday, September 23, 2010
When I Am Weak
Today I felt overwhelmed by loneliness and frustration, and I asked God to show me He was thinking of me. I turned on the radio and heard . . . Beethoven's Seventh Symphony. Well, I love it, of course; but if God had really been thinking of me, the tune would surely have been something very specific, a duet, say, by Schumann or Brahms, not a symphony by Beethoven. He could have been thinking of anyone at all to that soundtrack.
I had made a promise to Padre Pio on his feast day today that I would go to the hospital chapel that is in walking distance of my house and sit in silent adoration. But I kept putting it off and putting it off, until finally I had a window of about ten minutes for it. That's when I went, and I sat and cried. God knows I'm angry and frustrated with Him, but I begged Him to give me some guidance through the Bible before my ten minutes with Him was up. I opened to 2 Corinthians 7-10: "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Um, no, God, that's not what I had in mind. And besides, it doesn't describe me at all. I was thinking something more along the lines of my friend's Facebook status.
Then I came home, and there was a message from a reader of this blog, who said that reading it had helped her through a very dark time. I was amazed. And then I thanked God.