Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Bad News

My pregnancy is not viable. I'm supposed to be eight weeks now, but an ultrasound today showed nothing more than my five weeks' ultrasound did. I'm not shocked; I was very fearful about this pregnancy: right away it seemed that the numbers were not going up they way they should have been; but I am sad. I was so hoping to welcome a new little one in January.

At the same time, I am deeply convinced that God is merciful all the time. I know in my bones that His will is mercy, and I can say that flatly, even if I will never, on earth, be able to understand the reason for this loss, or the others (and I don't think the reason is "chastisement"). "My grace is sufficient for you," as St. Paul quoted Him: "For my power is made perfect in weakness." I can only pray for this action in my own life.

Thank you to all who have been praying for me!

11 comments:

Fallen Sparrow said...

prayers going up, Pentimento....I am so sorry, but also grateful for your testament to mercy.

Brad Watkins said...

Be assured of my prayers.

Drusilla said...

I've come to your blog through the recommendation of Fallen Sparrow. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Drusilla said...

PS - At the very least, God is using you to show us how we can accept the unthinkably painful with hope. God bless you.

Tertium Quid said...

I wish I could say something to comfort you. Saint Gianna, pray for us.

Maclin Horton said...

I'm very sorry to hear this. I've prayed for you and your family (I have to do it on the spot or I'll forget.)

Pentimento said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pentimento said...

Thank you all for your prayers. I will need them. My last miscarriage was extremely painful, and I don't know how I will take care of my toddler son in that state, without even considering the emotional pain. I did get a prescription for a narcotic painkiller this time, so perhaps that will help. Having to worry about the logistics of having a miscarriage reminds me of Joan Didion's indictment of the society that spawned the youth rebellion of 1967; we are all so far apart from each other, and we have no one to take care of us. If only Dorothy Day were here.

CGHill said...

It never seems to make any sense, but based on what little I've learned in a lifetime, I have concluded that God is not inclined to make things unbearable for us - which suggests to me, anyway, that since He knew that this pregnancy would go awry, He opted to end it before matters got much, much worse.

That said, I cry for you and for what might have been, because that's what I do.

Mrs. T said...

I am praying for you, with great sadness in my heart.

Brenda from Flatbush said...

I haven't checked in on your blog for awhile, and was so sorry to read of your loss. Seems to have happened just like ours did (@11 weeks); when there should have been a heartbeat, there was, inexplicably, nobody there anymore. No words for the pain and confusion, but here are cyberhugs and prayers and hopes for the future. Thank you for sharing Faustina's beautiful prayer; and never be afraid to honor the loss and name it grief...