Thursday, February 16, 2012

I Am the Abductor

"When my new daughter comes into my arms . . . it's ok if she cries," says an adoptive mother:

[If] I'm to be honest, not only do we hope she cries, but I hope she's scared.  And frightened.  And maybe even terrified.  Maybe so much so that she throws up, even on me.  Or can't look at me.  Or pees on me. Or kicks us and bites and tries to scratch our eyes out.  It's totally ok with us, if she tries to run away. Or if she bangs against the hotel door, for hours and calls out the only woman she's ever known as mama. It's ok if she does it for hours and even days, and I think it's good and true for her to be able to process the feelings and emotions.  I hope she has a reaction, any kind of reaction to what is happening to her.

It'll be heart breaking to see.

It'll be gut wrenching to watch this happen to our child.

But these things are reactions that we can hope for, if our daughter is having a healthy reaction to what is happening to her.  If she has had a healthy attachment to someone in her past, than these would all be normal reactions.  And I have prayed every single day since I saw her face that she has had an attachment to someone... anyone.


Kimberlie said...

Yes. Yes. Believe it or not, you want this.

Pentimento said...

Our Jude is coming from an orphanage, not a foster home, so we just don't know.

Nancy said...

Pentimento-I am the original poster. Our Jude also came from an orphanage. He had formed solid bonds with one or two people. His sister, from the same orphanage, did not. Our new child, is also in an orphanage, but it has foster-like parents set up for some children. All this to say, I don't really know either how it will be, and I don't think it makes a ton of difference if it's orphanage or traditional foster care. The children have different experiences regardless of where they come from.

Pentimento said...

Thank you for commenting, Nancy. We are getting our Jude in Jiangsu in March. Prayers for your family.